Part 2….my friend continues to share her story and reveals how the journey to her healing and newness of life begins following her heart break she refers to it as giving it ONE FINAL PUSH. I believe that God is perfecting that which concerns her, He won’t let her go, He will continue to fight for her and has given her beauty for ashes.
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart…Psalms 34:18
“My relationships with men were short-lived following that, they lacked trust at the centre. If I noticed a man even as much as winced, or rolled his eyes or made a comment I did not understand, I walked away. I did not say goodbye, I did not seek to know why and I did not care. The men I had relationships with were all liars in my mind. I believed that if I accepted them they would eventually say I had misread the signs and taken it the wrong way and I was not going to get thrown under that bus again! I also started to eat to deal with the pain, I ate anything I wanted to eat without thinking about the implication of comfort eating. I was also building a wall around my heart, my wall was high and made of concrete to keep out everyone. If I met anyone I knew from the former church I did not greet them, even if they greeted me. I was hurting and figured perhaps if I ignored them and showed them I knew they were talking about me it would soothe me. Then one day I bumped into him at a shopping center supermarket. I had heard that he had been with three other girls after , married another and then left her in their marital home and ran off with a another woman. I was infuriated! He had made me a statistic, I was now one of them! My instinct was to keep looking ahead and by pass him but he approached me and said ‘hello,’ his now bulky frame blocking my path. I wanted to spit in his now pimpled face (perhaps he was also eating a lot) I mumbled a lame ‘hello’ and pushed past him.
After that I continued to eat, food comforted me, if I did not eat, I’d hang around one friend because I did not trust my own judgment. One by one my siblings got married. I was happy for them and I sat through all my aunties’ whispers behind my back till they all died down. I had of course perfected my hard look so they dared not approach me and ask me a barge of questions. My plastic smile was down to an art, and my look sliced through your soul, but inside I was scared and sad and sought solace in food, I continued to eat recklessly.
When I felt they had all been silenced, I decided to have a baby. The guy who decided to express interest at the time was the victim and it did not matter to me who he was. I had been used, I was going to use. Of course church was out of the picture for me. God did not care, in my books. He was good and loving to others, just not to me. I did not know why and had stopped asking or even caring. The father of the baby and I had a fight when I was 4months pregnant and that was it. I cut him off and determined to go the journey on my own. I must admit the pregnancy went smoothly and when my son came and I held him in my arms for the first time, I melted. The wall I had built so high got a huge crack! Perhaps God did care afterall. I had an entire human in my arms. Single motherhood set in and it was tough but the love for my sweet baby eased it. The strain was there, but so was the amazing baby.
As time passed my knees began to hurt and my lower back constantly ached. I wanted to work out but I did not want to be seen. Inwardly I had hardened again except towards my son. I was ashamed of my size. Almost size 20 at this point! I stood behind everyone in photos, stayed indoors except for work and the shopping. I turned down invitations to events and no, I did not go to church. Instead I bought junk food, hid it in my closet and ate in the afternoons. Fizzy drinks gave me a high and alcohol calmed me. When the baby slept, I stayed awake, fighting my own demons. The pain in my joints, so unbearable let’s not go there. Then one day, suddenly, out of not where, I got up, and walked up a hill behind my home. I nearly collapsed, from the effort alone. I started to walk day by day, first for 5 minutes, then 10minutes, always picturing my son as I struggled through that battle. He deserves a better mother. He deserves a healthy mummy. I was doing it for him. Soon I could walk the entire hill, not just bits of it. And then I jogged and without even noticing the pains had gone.
I started to sleep well and forgot about junk food. I began to take good care of myself, how I looked and I slowly started praying, alone in my room. Short intermittent bursts of request. “Help me, God!” “Heal me!” “Give me one more chance!” That is all I could manage. I still did not go to church but I read the Bible again, the common Psalms, “The Lord is my shepherd….” I cannot say I meant them all the time but I spoke them. I do not know how this journey will end but like a mother in labour, I am doing one final push to bear the baby of my new life!”
B continues on her weighloss journey and I can confirm that she has lost a tremendous amount of weight, she has her life back, she is not where she was a couple of years ago. What I love mist about B’s story are the simple prayers she made, the earnest ones and God’s response. I know that God is working in her and healing her, He is giving her beauty for ashes. He is not a man like the ones that hurt her, He is a healer and close to the broken hearted. There is no pain too deep, hurt to big or distance so far we can go that He cant reach us and if you have had your heart broken, run to His open arms, no judgement only LOVE and experience His deep healing and accept His fresh start! He loves you!
Roars of Sharon 
A truly life story well told. Like a mouthwatering buffet You have have skillfullly blended originality, wit and style that has become second nature to the Roars of Sharon. You know how to tell a story, we are all eyes and ears for the next Roar.
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